Freddy 05

Excerpt from conversation between Charls the Webmaster, Splash Winterfall, D. B. Gengar, and Frederick Gerard

Splash: So, what’d she give you?

Charls: Iz box, shaped like hearts. Iz full of flies. Vhat is meaning?

Splash: Well uh, it means she want to, you know, have babies with you.

Charls: Babies?

DB: Yeah. And maybe eat you. Or at least your head. I heard spiders do that after mating.

Charls: OH NO! But I like head, iz adjustable and also expensive.

Splash: But maybe not. She might just be looking for some romance. You know, some dating, see where it goes from there…

Charls: Vhat iz Romance? How do Date?

DB: Ugh. Freddy, you explain dating to him.

Freddy: Sure! Okay, dating is what happens when the heads of two noble families decide it would be politically advantageous to form a stronger alliance between their houses through the marriage of their available offspring. During the date you have dinner with the girl who sits across a forty foot table from you, while the adults hash out dowries, potential genetic abnormalities, etc in another room. It’s an opportunity to get to know her better using her chaperon as a go-between to convey pleasantries and polite inquiries. At the end of the date, your parents come out and tell you whether you’re engaged.

DB: …Ok Charls, take everything he just told you and ignore it.

Charls: Iz deleted from memory chain.

Splash: Just go to the library and pick up a book called Magic Bullets.

DB: Yeah or The Game.

Charls: Hokay!

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Freddy 05

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